Not Communicating with Your Spouse?
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By Sylvia S. Roan, M.S., LCSW 5237, BCBA  | Published Jan 2008

How often does your spouse get mad at you over something you said? When was the last time that your feeling got hurt because your spouse did not listen to what you were saying? Are you frustrated because you don’t know how to make sense to your spouse? Do you wish that you feel more valued by your spouse? When you look back you would say, “Why did we fi ght over those petty stuff?” Most couples experience communication problems, you are not alone. Is it possible to have good communication with your spouse? YES! Many couples have done so. So can you! The answer lies in changing your way of communication. Couples will communicate better by adopting the following skills: good listening, look for the positives of your mate, and communicating using positive words and body languages. It is also important to have a set time carved out regularly for the two of you to share with each other.

Before you can start doing the right stuff, you would need to say good bye to your negative communication pattern that has become automatic and negative. Those are the crazy cycles started with certain hot button words” (Eggrichs, Cracking the Communication Code). Get rid of these problematic behaviors and replace them with skills of discovering each other’s strengths, and recognizing each other’s efforts.

I have enjoyed helping my clients rediscovering each other during the couple counseling sessions using these techniques. It will work like a charm when you start adopting this new way of listening, discovering the positives, and communicating using positive words and body languages.